I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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