I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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