that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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