Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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