You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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