Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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