You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
