Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
