Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize