Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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