the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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