He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
