Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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