that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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