Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
