3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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