He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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