im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
