we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
People with herpes should wear stickers.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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