And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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