You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
