i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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