Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
