peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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