I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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