someone threw a dead crab at me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
