Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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