He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
