I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
