She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
