I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize