I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
