we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
