uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
