knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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