I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
3pm strippers are depressing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
