I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
