i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize