honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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