I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
