So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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