I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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