There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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