I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
