Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
