I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
