Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
