someone threw a dead crab at me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
