I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
