Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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