think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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