maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
