I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
