This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
