I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
