They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
