it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
