we have officially lost it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
