his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
