Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
