Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
