At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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