can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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