O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
