apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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