Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
