were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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