whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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