Don't make out with my wife yet
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
