Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
