I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
