Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize