I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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