You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
