too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
