Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize