A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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