new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
