sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
