im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
